iHate Your Guts
by RobSp1derp1g
Summary: Freddie has been having a thought he can't dismiss. So he writes it down, hoping it'll go away. It did. Sam/Freddie. Seddie.
1. The Thought

**This time, I've written something a little different from the usual.**

**I was inspired to write this by a video by ZoeeEverythinggSeddie. So, this one is for her.**

**Please enjoy.  
**

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Like a boomerang, it kept coming back. Freddie has been having this weird thought, over and over again. He tried to focus on his laptop, but that thought kept finding a way back to his head.

"That tears it!" He said, placing his laptop beside him. He was having trouble sleeping for the past 2 days because of that thought. He had to put an end to it.

He decided to go to Carly's apartment and talk to the only person he could talk to about weird things: Spencer.

He knocked on the Shay's apartment door and Carly opened it.

"Hey, Freddie. What's up?" Carly greeted him.

"Not much, just some stuff... Is Spencer home?" He replied.

"Yeah, he is, want me to call him?" She asked out of curiosity.

"Yeah!" He stated in a higher tone of voice, rather obviously. Carly looked saddened my his outburst. "Sorry, I've been having trouble sleeping..."

"Oh... Spencer, Freddie's here! He'll be right here." Carly informed. Freddie chuckled at her remark. Sometimes, it seemed that Carly was the older of the two.

"Yo, Freddo. What do you need?" Spencer greeted him, cleaning his hands with a dishrag.

"Actually, I wanted to ask you something..." Freddie started.

"Is it about the smell of a Portuguese Water Dog?" Spencer commented.

"No, why would I be thinking about that?" Freddie interjected.

"I don't know... Anyway, what is it?"

"Well," Freddie began, "I've been having this weird thought about something, and everytime I try to focus on something else, it comes back after about 8 seconds. Exactly 8 seconds!"

"That is weird..., but what can I do about it?" Spencer commented.

"Do you know a way to make this go away?" Freddie pleaded. **(A/N: The rhyme was not intentional.)**

"You know, maybe I do... You see, in my 72 hours of Law School, I dated a girl who wanted to be a psychologist." Freddie raised his eyebrow as if saying 'How is that possible?' "Don't ask. And I had a similar predicament and she told me to write my thought and to develop it."

"But what if I can't think of anything to write?" Freddie said.

"Oh, just focus on the subject that's bothering you and the words will show up."

"That might actually work..." Freddie thought out loud. "Thanks, once, you actually gave good advice."

"Anytime. But, what is the sub... What is that supposed to mean?" Spencer said, upset.

"I won't tell you!" Freddie replied, opening the door to his home.

As soon as Freddie reached his room, he put gis "Do Not Disturb" sign on the door. Of course, being Mrs. Benson's son, his sign included a little more text. It read "Do Not Disturb, and No, Mom, I'm Not Doing Anything I Shouldn't."

"He said 'write the thought and develop it', so let's do this!" He sat in his bed and placed the laptop back on his lap. Then he opened Pear WritePad and typed "Sam".

_***15 minutes later***_

Freddie looked in disbelief at what he had created in the last 15 minutes. He knew he was a creative guy, but this completely surpassed him. Spencer's advice was, for once, helpful. Still not believing, he did the only thing he could do, print the document. If he really wrote that, he'd see text on the paper. He clicked File and then Print. He did write it.

He read the text again, Amazed at what he wrote. That text fit perfectly into the thought in his head. He then yawned. It was a good sign, it meant he was getting sleepy, so he decided to fold the piece of paper and place it on the bedside table and call it a night. As soon as he got on the bed, he fell asleep.

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**Next chapter you will find what Freddie wrote.  
**

**Please review.**


	2. The Breakin

**This is a short chapter, but I feel I had to make it this way, for the story to make sense. So, please forgive me. And review**.

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It was not unusual to see Sam Puckett hungry. What was unusual was to see Sam Puckett so hungry that she resorted to break into the Bensons' apartment to see if they had any ham. As soon as she was inside the house, she found her way into the kitchen and, consequently into the fridge.

After she ate the ham Freddie had bought one week before, she was still hungry, but with no food in sight, she could not do anything else. But Sam Puckett was hungry. She had to eat more ham. Or bacon. Or pizza. Or spaghetti tacos. Or fat cakes. It didn't really matter, she just had to eat. She had to find out where the Bensons kept their food.

She crept towards Freddie's room, opened the door and let herself in. Although it was late at night she could see clearly, thanks to Freddie's nightlight (courtesy of Mrs. Benson.)

She noticed a paper folded on Freddie's bedside table. Sam grinned at the sight of what she perceived as blackmail material. She reached out her hand and grabbed the paper. As soon as she unfolded it, she started reading it's content. As soon as she began reading the last line of the text Freddie had written just a few hours ago, her heartbeat began to increase rapidly. It made no sense, but it was meant for her.

_Sam Puckett, I hate your guts. _This sentence got stuck in her head. She felt something in her eyes as she thought about the last phrase. She brought her hand up to her eyes only to find out that she was crying. But she wasn't hurt, neither physically or emotionally. She was crying tears of happiness. _Hate _had been and still is each other's code for _like_.

She decided that she was keeping that piece of paper which meant so much for her. She slowly crept out of Freddie's room and house and started knocking on Carly's door like there was no tomorrow.

"Carly, open up, I got big news!"

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**There was a slight change of plans. You'll only see Freddie's text next chapter, which is about 75% done. But you *sings like Spencer* are gonna love it!**


	3. The Conversation

**It's still not in this chapter that you're going to see what Freddie wrote. I have something incredible planned for that.**

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They say sleep is the best medicine. One might or not agree. For Fredward Benson, the answer was "yes". He was feeling a lot better than he had been for the past 2 days, in which he had barely slept. When he sat on the bed, and looked around, he noticed that something was not where it was last night.

"Oh, no. Where is it?" He started panicking. He looked under the bed, and saw nothing. Near the door, zero. On his shelves full of Galaxy Wars memorabilia, zilch. On the closet where he had a picture of Carly, nada. He was about to stop searching and print another copy, when he looked under the bedside table and saw a folded piece of paper.

"Whew! At least it's not gone and nobody saw it." Freddie said, relieved.

Soon, he got dressed, placed the paper in his pocket and went to the kitchen. As he left his room, he noticed he didn't remove his "Do Not Disturb" sign. Step by step, he arrived at his destination. Mrs. Benson was glad to see her son, maybe too glad. "Oh, Freddie, are you okay? I saw your sign saying you weren't doing anything you shouldn't…"

"I'm fine, mom. In fact, I'm better than fine! I feel splendid! And it's all thanks to Spencer. He actually gave me good advice."

"Are you sure you're okay?" Mrs. Benson kept asking.

"Not when you're smothering me…" Freddie replied

"Sorry. By the way, have you seen the ham that was on the fridge?" Mrs. Benson questioned.

"The ham should be in there… Oh, no. Sam!" Freddie came to the conclusion that apparently Sam had broken into his home and stole his ham.

He left his home and hurriedly tapped into the Shays' apartment door. If Sam _did_ break into his house to eat ham, he was going to give her a piece of his mind.

Carly opened the door.

"Oh my, Freddie, you look energetic today!" Carly said, smiling.

"Thanks. Is Sam here?" Freddie asked, looking through the door.

"Yeah. Is there something you want to say to her?" Carly queried with a devious smile on her face.

"Yeah, I do." Carly grinned. "I wanna ask her why did she break into my house last night!" Carly's grin faded.

"Oh, okay, come on in. But…" Carly let Freddie in.

As soon as he was in, Freddie shouted "Sam, why did y…" He stopped when he saw Sam sleeping peacefully on the couch.

"…she's asleep. She had a rough night." Carly finished.

Freddie was completely awestruck when he saw his friend/nemesis sleeping so peacefully on the Shays' couch. Her blond hair covered part of her face.

"She looks so beautiful, so peaceful like that. Like an angel. " Freddie commented.

"I know." Carly nodded.

"I, I mean…" Freddie tried to change what he said.

"I know what you meant, Freddie, and I agree. She does look peaceful."

"You know, last night I wrote something about her…" Freddie started.

"You did?" Carly said, trying to sound surprised.

"Yeah, I was like a machine. The words kept flowing out of me." Freddie explained.

"Was it good?"

"Here, read it yourself." Freddie gave her the paper he had in his pocket.

As Carly read the paper Freddie gave her, the technical producer of iCarly watched his personal blonde-headed demon sleeping. His eyes were starting to hurt but he refused to blink, not wanting to lose a single second of watching Sam sleep.

"Freddie, I understand that Sam knows about technology, but what is this?" Carly questioned.

"Can't you see th…" Freddie took back the paper. "WHAT? This isn't what I wrote last night!"

"Shhh! She's asleep! Can you print out another copy?" Carly motioned him to speak in a lower volume.

"I can, give me a few minutes." Freddie whisper-yelled, not wanting to wake Sam.

As soon as the door closed, Sam got up.

"What did I tell you? He wrote that thing!"

"I know, but I still can't believe it! Freddie isn't the kind of guy that goes out and writes this stuff. He's more likely to create a website called ILoveYouSamanthaPuckett . com" Carly commented

"If anyone else but you said that, I would rip off their eyes." Sam replied.

A rustling noise was heard as Freddie closed the door of his apartment.

"It's him, go to sleep!" Carly whisper-yelled to Sam.

"Here it is. Take a look." Freddie said, closing the door.

As Carly analyzed the (real) piece of paper, her eyes grew bigger. "Aw, you mentioned me…"

"Yes, I did. What do you think?" Freddie asked impatiently.

"Aw, twice…"

"Okay, I get it…"

"Aw, three times…"

"Just read the darn thing!"

When Carly reached the end of the text, her eyes were watering.

"Dude!" Carly started.

"I know…" Freddie replied.

"This is beautiful! You should let her read this!" Carly said, touched by the text.

"No, not read. I'm gonna do something even better. But in order to do that, I have to ask you one thing." Freddie approached Carly's ear and whispered something.

"Of course, Freddie! Of course you can." Carly said, giving him a hug.

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**Oh, a Creddie hug... Not really. There's nothing Creddie-ish about it.**

**Be ready for the final installment of iHate Your Guts, coming soon to a computer (or cellphone, because this site supports mobile now) screen near you.**

**Also, those people who get the reference I made here will get a special mention in the next chapter.**


	4. The OMG Moment

**Here's the final chapter of iHate Your Guts. I would like to dedicate this story to FallenAngelZoee for helping me with this chapter.**

**So, behold!**

**Oh, and I forgot: I don't own iCarly. Dan Schneider does.  
**

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"So, if you want to know how many doors are in a doorknob…" Carly was starting their ending dialog.

"… or if the moon is made of cheese…" Sam continued.

"…Keep watching iCarly, where we will reveal the answers to these and other important questions." Carly wrapped up.

"And to end the show, some food for thought: Will Freddie ever get a girlfriend?" Sam teased. Carly and Freddie chuckled. If only she knew what was coming…

"Sam, can I correct you? The show's not over yet…" Carly corrected her.

"It's not?" Sam questioned.

"No. Freddie has something to say to someone very special to him." Carly introduced him.

"I don't think I can do this, Carly… I mean, she hates my guts!" Freddie whispered, tried to bail out.

"The same way you hate hers? Come on, Freddie, you can do it! It was your idea. Besides, if you don't try, you'll never know." Carly cheered him on.

"Okay. It's 'do or die' time!" Freddie placed himself in front of the camera.

"Oh, this is gonna be good!" Sam was excited to see Freddie chicken out. She took a purple beanbag and placed it on Freddie's left, so that she could watch what he was going to do on the front-row seat.

Freddie cleared his throat. "This is something I wrote about a good friend of mine."

"Go for it, Freddie!" Carly cheered behind the camera.

"Okay, here it goes." Sam was rubbing her hands in expectation to see Freddie fail, until when he turned to her.

We met a few years ago,  
I was in love with your best friend,  
You started bickering with me  
And Carly just wanted it to end.

All my futile attempts to win her  
heart had a big effect on you.  
You found a way to end all fights  
with "Carly will never love you!"

If Carly had not taken the fall for you,  
We would have not started the show  
That allowed us to become friends  
And our feelings started to grow.

You know, looking back,  
I'm kinda glad I handcuffed you.  
Because that chain of events  
Made me realize what I feel for you.

And now I'm sitting here,  
With my computer on my lap,  
And the thought of you  
Hits me like a zap.

I never thought I'd say this,  
This idea never crossed my mind,  
Although I didn't know it,  
It was you I was trying to find.

A million times I've analyzed it,  
It can only mean one thing.  
As it has been shown before,  
For you, I'll do anything.

It's time to lay it on the line,  
No "ifs" and no "buts".  
It's time for me to say:  
Sam Puckett, I hate your guts.

Sam was crying when he finished. She had only read the title of the text. She wanted to clean the tears of her eyes and face, but couldn't bring herself to do it. The power and feeling contained in the lines that Freddie had written for her was incredibly deep, and affected her immensely.

Freddie felt like the weight of planet Jupiter had been lifted from his shoulders. He might not have the best comebacks for Sam, but he knew where to hit her. And when he hit her, he knew he would stand proud, even if only for a single second, but this time, he didn't have to worry about side effects of his actions, for the only event that could happen next could only be positive.

Carly saw Sam crying and felt she must do something. "Guys, "she said, turning the camera to herself, "we're experiencing technical difficulties, so, we're gonna end the show earlier."

She approached her friends that were in front of the cameras and moved towards Sam.

"Are you okay?" She asked her best friend. Her tears were real but she was not sad. That was evident on her face

"So, you hate my guts?" Sam finally spoke.

"With every cell in my body, every ounce of my being. " Freddie truthfully replied.

Sam then did something quite unthinkable. Okay, it wasn't unthinkable, but it was un-Sammish. She got up and hugged Freddie.

Freddie was somehow prepared for this event, as he did not flinch a little bit. He only hugged her back.

"You know what? Freddie Benson, I hate your guts as well." Sam said.

"I know". They both slowly pulled away and looked into each other's eyes. Carly started to smile widely, she knew what was coming, and she couldn't be happier for them.

Freddie also knew what was about to happen he smiled, took a deep breath and leaned in, after all Sam always did prefer the guy to lean in.

Their lips touched and everything fell into place, no worries, no doubts, just each other and that moment.

_Finally_, Freddie thought, _a real kiss, the last one we had wasn't anything like this…_

The kiss was sweet and beautiful, it lasted exactly 8 seconds before they pulled. Carly was grinning happily in the corner.

"You're a nub," Sam said sweetly. Freddie chuckled.

"Yes, but I'm _your_ nub," he replied.

"Well then, I most definitely _hate_ my nub," she grinned.

"He _hates_ you too," Freddie said before they leaned back in and kissed again.

"Awwwww!" Carly said loudly. Freddie and Sam pulled apart again and gave her a look.

"Right, I'm gonna leave you too _alone_" she said as she left happily. Freddie and Sam both chuckled and leaned in once more.

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**Yeah, Freddie's quite a poet, right? I wrote that thing in 20 minutes.**

**I want to thank every single one of my readers for making this story possible.  
**


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